Month: July 2024

Hundreds of Beavers

27/07/24

Amazon Prime

I keep hearing rumours about this film and that it has received a ‘limited theatrical release,’ but can I find a cinema that is actually showing it? No I cannot. And then there it is on Amazon Prime, available to rent for the price of a cup of coffee.

The brainchild of Mike Cheslik and Ryland Brickson Cole Tews, Hundreds of Beavers is a decidedly strange beast, rather like a Loony Tunes cartoon recreated by a few actors wearing animal-themed onesies. It recounts the experiences of nineteenth-century adventurer Jean Kayak (Cole Tews) and takes place mostly in the snow. When we first encounter Kayak, he’s making his living by brewing and selling applejack – though he does appear to be drinking most of it. When his latest booze-up results in him inadvertently blowing up the brewery, he finds himself marooned alone in the frozen North, starving and trying ever more ingenious ways to capture some food. There are plenty of rabbits around (played by the actors’ friends), but boy are they hard to catch!

Think of your average Roadrunner cartoon performed by actual people and you’ll have a vague idea of what this is all about. When Kayak sets his sights on marrying The Furrier (Olivia Graves), her father, The Merchant (Doug Mancheski), demands that Kayak brings him hundreds of beaver pelts before he will grant his blessing – and, advised by The Master Trapper (Wes Tank), Kayak must use every trick in the book in order to trap enough critters to secure his future.

Working with a minuscule budget ($150k) and some pretty basic editing software, the two filmmakers have put together an impressive project, full of wit and invention, though it must be said that the running time of one hour and 48 minutes does result in it feeling rather saggy towards the middle – there’s a good reason why Roadrunner cartoons are only a few minutes long. But the film does regain some much-needed momentum in the final furlong, where Kayak enters the beavers’ damn and is involved in an epic log-flume race pursued by… well, it’s all there in the title.

And there are enough silly situations and absurd twists throughout to keep me laughing along: a Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson beaver duo are a particular highlight and I love the repeated motif of an animated woodpecker that appears every time Kayak whistles.

In the end, this is an endeavour to be admired rather than outright enjoyed. Cheslik and Cole Tew have put together a film, the like of which you’ll never have seen before – and that’s something I rarely get to say. I applaud their invention and, more than anything else, their tenacity. Hundreds of Beavers has been years in the making and I’m glad it’s finally out there for everyone to see.

3.8 stars

Philip Caveney

Deadpool & Wolverine

26/07/24

Cineworld, Edinburgh

The Marvel Cinematic Universe has been going through a bit of a rough patch of late. Since the heady days of the Russo Brothers and The Avengers, where every film seemed to grab the box office by the jugular and shake all the money out, there’s been a distinct lack of focus, an inability to home in on a winning formula. Big changes are pending but, in the meantime, there’s Deadpool & Wolverine, the (ahem) 34th film in the MCU, which, like its two predecessors, is R rated. This means that there are plenty of expletives flying out of the screen and that the extended fight sequences are much bloodier than we might usually expect.

After failing auditions to join The Avengers and The X Men, Deadpool (Ryan Renolds) – or Wade Wilson, to use his off-duty name – has made an attempt to go straight. He now works as a used car salesman, wearing a toupee and favouring Hawaiian shirts in his leisure time. But he’s dragged back into the superhero world by Mr Paradox (Matthew Macfadyen, riffing outrageously on a version of his character from Succession). Paradox works for the Time Variance Authority and is a sort of snarky Dr Who figure. He announces that Wade’s strand of time is deteriorating fast due to the death of Logan – or Wolverine – and that it is all going to come crashing down fairly soon, which means that Wade and his eight friends are going to die.

Unless of course, he can do something about it.

Wade manages to steal Paradox’s tempad and heads into the Marvel Multiverse (as you do), looking for another Wolverine to take Logan’s place. For some inexplicable reason, he settles on the one who’s a miserable alcoholic, who feels he has nothing to live for. Well, things can only get better, right?

It would be pointless to try and relate any more of the plot because, frankly, it’s incoherent, a thinly-veiled excuse for our two heroes to fight with each other (and occasionally enjoy a bit of a bromance) as they travel to a variety of different locations – including one that looks very much as though it’s been ripped off from Mad Max. (Naturally Wade mentions this. “Hey, looks a bit Mad Maxy, huh?”) As they travel, the duo repeatedly break the fourth wall, chatting directly to the audience, dropping references to various franchises, film studios and Marvel characters past and present. Much of this means very little to me (though a bunch of superfans in the screening I’m at laugh uproariously throughout, perhaps to demonstrate how multi-versed they are in all things Marvel.)

There are A LOT of cameo appearances by various actors, some of whom I recognise but most of whom I don’t. And there’s A LOT of fighting. The biggest problem for me with the latter is that the many protracted punch-ups I’m obliged to sit through are rendered utterly pointless by the fact that none of the characters can be killed, which neatly removes any sense of jeopardy there might have been.

It’s not all terrible. I actually chuckle at some of the one-liners and there’s an impressive performance by Emma Corrin as Cassandra Nova, the twin sister of Charles Xavier, who has an unfortunate habit of sticking her hands directly into people’s heads in order to er… read them. Of course, there’s the inevitable, supposedly nail-biting finale as Deadpool and Wolverine attempt to do… something… with a bunch of timey-wimey… things but, by this stage, I’m mostly looking at my watch wondering if the film is ever going to finish.

Maybe it’s just that I ran out of patience with Marvel a long while back, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who wishes that the Multiverse had never been invented. Apart from a couple of glorious animated exceptions, any film that ventures into those uncharted waters appears to founder and sink. That said, this screening is fairly well attended and we’ll see how much money Deadpool & Wolverine manages to pull in.

And we’ll wait to see what comes next. Kevin? Take your time.

3 stars

Philip Caveney

Thelma

23/07/24

Cineworld, Edinburgh

Hollywood rarely manages to find projects for older female actors so it’s heartening to witness seasoned veteran June Squibb taking on her first lead role at the tender age of ninety-four. This kind of project can often be unbearably cute, an opportunity to smile condescendingly at the funny things old ladies tend to say, but Sundance hit Thelma, written and directed by Josh Margolin, is perfectly pitched and utterly charming, managing to exploit the tropes of a Mission Impossible style caper while never stepping beyond the realms of credulity. No mean feat.

Thelma is slowly coming to terms with the death of her beloved husband two years earlier and, with the help of her grandson, the hapless but loveable Daniel (Fred Hechinger), she’s managing to adjust to the changing and sometimes bewildering world in which she lives. When, out of the blue, she gets a call from ‘Daniel’ telling her that he is in trouble and needs her to send $10,000 dollars in cash to a PO box, she doesn’t hesitate to follow the instructions she is given, never pausing to question the situation. Of course, she’s been scammed. Her daughter, Gail (Parker Posey), and son in law, Alan (Clark Gregg), begin to wonder if its time to for Thelma to go into a home. Meanwhile the police tell the family that there’s nothing much they can do to help retrieve those lost funds.

But, inspired by the Tom Cruise movies that Thelma enjoys so much, she decides that she’s not ready to give up so easily. She enlists the help of her old friend Ben (Richard Roundtree, in his final role), who is now in a retirement home and is the proud owner of a state-of-the-art mobility scooter. Backed by Nick Chuba’s propulsive score, the duo head off into the night to stake out the PO box in the hope of finding the scammer that did Thelma wrong.

One other thing. They’re going to need a gun…

Thelma is a hoot, weaving expertly between laugh-out-loud jokes and nail-biting suspense. While our aged protagonists can hardly take on the kind of stunts that are the staple of a Tom Cruise movie, their scaled-down antics prove to be just as exciting. For a nonagenarian, even climbing an unfamiliar staircase is a potentially dangerous challenge, and a chase in a motorised mobility aid can be a heart stopper.

It’s not just thrills and spills. The film has plenty to say about the importance of friendship and the indignities of old age: a reminder that we shouldn’t write people off because of their advanced years. It also features the most unlikely performance of Little Orphan Annie you’re ever likely to witness. Squibb is terrific and the late Richard Roundtree – best remembered as the titular hero of 1971’s Shaft – has chanced upon the perfect farewell for his long career. Watch out for the villain of the piece too. It might take you a few moments to recognise him, but that really is Malcolm McDowell! And don’t get up from your seat too quickly because you’ll miss a brief cameo from the woman who inspired the film: Josh Margolin’s grandma, still going strong at 103!

Thelma hasn’t had the widest of releases but keep an eye open for it at your local cinema. It’s an absolute joy.

5 stars

Philip Caveney

Rope

20/07/24

Theatr Clwyd, Mold

Patrick Hamilton’s 1929 play, loosely based on the Leopold and Loeb murder case of a few years earlier, is these days mostly remembered for Alfred Hitchcock’s 1948 movie adaptation, a film that famously changed the rules of cinema to incorporate its theatrical origins. This ingenious production – by Theatr Clwyd’s resident company – layers Hamilton’s (occasionally quite expository) script with slick movement sequences, which are mostly used to indicate the deteriorating psychological state of one of its protagonists.

Jack Hammett (Wyndham Brandon) and his partner in crime, Granillo (Chorag Benedict Lobo), have kidnapped and murdered a young colleague, using that titular length of rope to strangle him – for no reason other than to see if they can get away with it. This isn’t a spoiler, by the way, because at the play’s start we witness the two of them placing their victim’s body into a trunk which stands centre stage throughout. Hamilton’s play isn’t so much a ‘whodunnit?’ as a ‘will-they-get-away-with-it?’

The smug and confident Hammett and the highly-strung Granillo have carried out the murder as a way of demonstrating their superiority over the rest of humanity – Hammett is a devoted reader of Nietzche – and, to further elaborate their point, they have planned to throw a little party for an odd assortment of guests, one of whom is Sir Johnstone Kentley (Keiron Self), the murdered boy’s father. The trunk will be used in place of a table to serve food and drink and Hammett will even jokingly tell his guests that it contains a dead body.

The play opens in almost total darkness, the two criminals making their plans by the light of matches, while the rest of the cast are already onstage, silent witnesses to their conversation. The party ensues and the guests enter one by one, greeted by the central duo’s faithful butler, Sabot (Felipe Pacheco), who knows nothing about the crime. The visitors include the nice but ineffectual Kenneth (Rhys Warrington) and chatty socialite Leila (Emily Burnett). Of course, there’s always one guest at a party who overstays his welcome and in this case it’s Rupert Cadell (Tim Pritchett), who has been around the block a few times and whose suspicions have been aroused. He’s clearly keen to have a look at the contents of that trunk…

This is an inventive production that explores the possibilities of the original play with flair. If it’s not entirely sure of itself in the first half, it certainly gathers strength in the second and I love the closing stretches where the compact performance space is steadily stripped bare of hiding places, the cruel intentions of the murderers finally exposed to the cold light of day.

Brandon is particularly impressive as the callous and self-possessed Hammett, a man so convinced of his own genius that he’s prepared to risk everything to prove a point. And I particularly enjoy Emily Pithon’s portrayal of Mrs Debenham, who makes the most of a tricky role which only offers her the occasional line and a series of sardonic expressions. Frances Goodridge directs the piece with skill and movement director Jess Williams’ Frantic Assembly-style sequences add verve and vigour to the proceedings.

Rope is an assured and intriguing piece of theatre, a slow burner that steadily builds to a powerful blaze.

4.2 stars

Philip Caveney

Twisters

17/07/24

Cineworld, Edinburgh

If ever I were asked to compile a list of the least eagerly anticipated movie sequels, Twisters would figure fairly high on it. After all, though Jan De Bont’s original was a commercial hit back in 1996, it has receded from public consciousness. The only image I can recall from it is a sequence featuring an airborne cow. But Lee Isaac Chung’s sequel has been co-financed by no less than three big studios and is executive-produced by Steven Spielberg, so clearly somebody has high expectations of it.

Twisters stars Daisy Edgar Jones as Kate Carter, an impetuous young meteorologist with the uncanny ability to ‘sniff out’ tornadoes before they actually happen. (Yes, really.) Along with boyfriend Jeb (Daryl McCormack) and a bunch of enthusiastic friends, including Javi (Anthony Ramos), she drives around Oklahoma in a ramshackle truck, chasing twisters – not for kicks, but to collect data for her PhD project.

Which is all great fun, until something bad happens.

Five years later, she’s working in an office in New York, wearing a sensible suit and being very risk averse. She’s approached by Javi, who has recently been in the military and now has access to some state-of-the-art tech which will allow him to capture tornado data as it’s never been done before. Would Kate like to spend a week with him, helping him reap the whirlwind? Pretty soon, she’s back in action and running with a whole crowd of action-seekers, including Tyler Owens (Glen Powell), a redneck heartthrob with a huge online following and T-shirt sales to go with it. As he is fond of saying, “You don’t chase your dreams, you ride them.” Inevitably Kate and Glen find themselves bumping up against each other and, equally inevitably, sparks begin to fly…

Essentially, Twisters is a big-budget action romp, with a massive special effects budget, some eye-popping cinematography courtesy of Dan Mindel and, if I’m honest, not a great deal else. It’s a series of thrills and spills, featuring people who survive and others who do not. Every so often characters mumble stuff about the different chemicals that they’re pumping into the tornadoes in an apparent attempt to er… snuff them out? At least, I think that’s what they’re trying to do. I’m not sure how much scrutiny the technical side of this film can withstand.

Really, it’s just an excuse to throw people into a series of action set-pieces and make an audience worry about what’s going to happen to them. Since the unfortunate victims who lose the gamble are whisked away in an instant, there’s are no horribly mangled corpses to bother the 12A certificate. And, unlike its predecessor, Twisters does at least have the honesty to address the destructive nature of storms. Yes, there’s the occasional grudging references to global warming and climate catastrophe, but it all feels a little disingenuous.

There’s also a ‘will they won’t they?’ question overhanging Kate and Tyler throughout proceedings but, rather like those storm-related deaths, it’s all kept offscreen. Nothing to frighten the horses.

Don’t get me wrong, this all makes for an entertaining couple of hours in the cinema, but when you consider that Lee Isaac Chung’s last film was the brilliant and heartwarming Minari, it’s hard to get too excited about a summer blockbuster, which is full of sound and fury and… well, you know the rest.

3.2 stars

Philip Caveney

Longlegs

12/07/24

Cineworld, Edinburgh

A troubled FBI agent attempts to track down a mysterious killer. A series of bizarre clues links the killings to a whole list of young girls who have their birthday on the 14th of any given month. And the events play out in the remote backwoods of Oregon, where the landscape seems laden with the threat of unspecified terrors.

On paper at least, Longlegs has all the hallmarks of that increasingly common syndrome, Seenitallbefore. So it’s heartening that writer/director Oz Perkins has somehow managed to take all these familiar ingredients and cook up something that feels entirely original: a dark, smouldering slow-burn of a film that’s imbued with a relentless sensation of mounting dread.

It’s the 1990s: there are photographs of Bill Clinton on the FBI’s office wall and mobile phones haven’t happened yet. Agent Lee Harker (Maika Monroe, last seen by B&B in the criminally ignored Watcher), is part of a team investigating a number of seemingly unrelated murders that go back to the 1970s. Her boss, Agent Carter (Blair Underwood), keeps tying to motivate her, but she is unresponsive to his approaches. She’s a quiet, brooding sort of person, with no apparent social life and strong links to her mother, Ruth (Alicia Witt), a backwoods bible-basher, who appears to be a total recluse.

It’s hardly a spoiler to mention that, back in her childhood, Lee had a bizarre encounter with the titular villain of the piece, played by a mesmerisingly scary Nicolas Cage, layered in prosthetics and sporting a long blonde wig. As Lee begins to discover a chain of bewildering clues, she starts to suspect that this man is somehow involved in all of those apparently random killings, even though evidence suggests that he was never there at the time…

Longlegs defies rational explanation. This is a film that exudes a powerful sense of disquiet from the opening scenes onwards, and manages to hold me spellbound throughout. A tangible sense of fear spills from every image and, unlike some recent horrors, this doesn’t depend on explicit carnage to make its point. Sure, there is violence here, but most of it happens offscreen, Perkins tapping into the age-old truth that what really scares an audience is what it doesn’t quite see. And there’s some stuff about worryingly life-like dolls that really amps up the unease.

If the eventual explanation for what’s been happening is decidedly off-the-wall, it matters not because if the raison d’etre of Longlegs is to unsettle the viewer ( and I strongly suspect that it is) then it delivers on that premise big time.

Looking back to our review of Watcher in November 2022, I note that I lament the fact that we are the only two viewers in the screening. Happily, that’s not the case with this one, which is well attended, probably because of the many five-star reviews the film has garnered from independent horror sites. I enjoy (if that’s the right word) the movie’s uncanny ability to reinvent and reinvigorate some decidedly tired genre tropes, to produce a film that feels like it’s actually breaking new ground. Monroe is compelling as the tortured protagonist and Cage, once again, submits a performance that is spectacularly unhinged. Wait till you hear him sing!

Longlegs won’t be for everyone. Those of a nervous disposition might prefer to look elsewhere. But those who like to shudder will want to check this one out.

4.6 stars

Philip Caveney

MaXXXine

08/07/24

Cineworld, Edinburgh

All hail MaXXXine, the third instalment of Ti West’s acclaimed horror trilogy.

Full disclosure: although I loved the second (Pearl), I haven’t seen the first (X). I’m planning to remedy that tonight, courtesy of Amazon Prime Video. Still, I don’t mind watching things in the wrong order – I’m not bothered by so-called spoilers. It reminds me of being a kid and borrowing books from the library based on what was on the shelf, rather than on their position in a series. If they’re good, they usually stand alone. And MaXXXine is very good.

The magnificent Mia Goth returns as the lead and she’s every bit as compelling as I’ve come to expect. Although this sort-of feminist, sort-of arthouse take on an 80s slasher movie isn’t perhaps as exquisite as Pearl, it’s nonetheless irresistible – beautifully crafted and clearly born of real affection for the genre.

Maxine Minx (Goth) is a successful porn actress, looking to cross over into mainstream movies before her star begins to wane. When she impresses the imperious Elizabeth Bender (Elizabeth Debicki), director of the controversial The Puritan, she lands the lead in its imaginatively-titled sequel, The Puritan 2. But there’s a Satanist serial killer prowling LA’s streets, and a dodgy detective called John Labat (Kevin Bacon) is trying to rake up Maxine’s past. “Whatever’s happening in your life that’s getting in the way of this movie,” says Bender, “Squash it.” And Maxine is determined to do just that…

Cinematographer Eliot Rockett perfectly recreates the low-rent look of 80s movies, all flickering edges and fuzzy VHS. There is a knowing, meta-quality on display throughout, although not in the glib, mocking style of some recent fright flicks, which simply invert the well-worn tropes. This is more of a love letter to Hollywood horror, with key scenes played out in the Bates Motel and behind those big white letters on the hill.

The supporting actors are almost as arresting as Goth, Debicki and Bacon in particular lighting up the screen. I especially enjoy Bender’s self-indulgent rationalisation of The Puritan 2 as a serious piece of art, and the deliciously sleazy Labat’s attempts to assert his dominance over Maxine.

There’s a message here too, and it’s about as subtle as Maxine’s perm: puritanical religion is more dangerous than adult entertainment. Whether or not you agree, the point is seductively made, and MaXXXine is a gory delight.

4 stars

Susan Singfield

A Quiet Place: Day One

06/07/24

Cineworld, Edinburgh

The arrival of A Quiet Place in 2018 had a dramatic effect in cinemas across the world. Customers even ate their popcorn extra-quietly, not daring to make a noise that might summon one of the predatory aliens that were the film’s raison d’etre. In 2020, a sequel arrived and, against all the odds, managed to pull off the trick a second time. Some viewers will remember that the sequel opened with a brief glimpse of the aliens arriving in New York and that’s where the action from this prequel also plays out.

There are few franchises that can successfully stick the landing a third time and the project’s creator, John Kransinski, has handed over the reins to writer/director Michael Sarnoski, giving him carte blanche to do something a little different.

Day One begins in a hospice in New York, where terminally-ill patient, Samira (Lupita Nyong’o), is coming to terms with her own imminent demise, comforted only by her regular companion, Frodo, a cat. Friendly nurse, Reuben (Alex Wolff), manages to persuade Samira to accompany the other patients on a trip into the city, where they will visit a marionette theatre. That’ll cheer her up. She agrees – on the stipulation that she will be able to buy pizza at Patsy’s.

Inevitably, the visit is rudely disrupted by the arrival of those pesky aliens, who, as in the previous films are only truly scary when we barely glimpse them. These early scenes of devastation are the film’s strongest suit: the ensuing chaos feeling pretty immersive. Samira eventually hooks up with English law student, Eric (Joseph Quinn, last seen in the low budget Hoard), who is understandably terrified, and the three of them – Samira, Eric and Frodo – set about the tricky task of staying alive. From this point the film becomes less a sci-fi horror and more a story of friendship and loyalty; whilst I applaud the valiant efforts to change up from what has gone before, I feel that the concept doesn’t entirely come off.

Although there are some admittedly touching scenes here, the atmosphere of steadily-mounting terror exhibited in Parts 1 and 2 feels somewhat eroded.

And then there’s Frodo. I appreciate that a lot of people adore our feline friends, but I nearly lose count of the times that the cat inadvertently plunges his human companions into peril. Quite how they manage to persuade themselves not to hurl him into the jaws of the nearest alien is beyond me. But maybe that says more about me than it does the film.

Suffice to say that, while the beginning and the end are well-handled, Day One has a decidedly flabby mid-section and, the more I see of the aliens, the less fearsome they become. Eagle-eyed viewers will spot a fleeting cameo from Djimon Hounsou as Henri, who had a bigger role in Part 2. Barely anyone else in this film gets a look in, other than a startled expression seconds before they are messily consumed. While Day One is by no means terrible, it still feels like a sizeable step down and I shall certainly be thinking twice should a fourth instalment rear its scaly head over the cinematic horizon.

Meanwhile, those who enjoy the antics of cute-but-irritating cats in disastrous situations should check this out.

3.6 stars

Philip Caveney

Àma Gloria

03/07/24

Mareel, Lerwick, Shetland

Six-year-old Cléo’s dad, Arnaud (Arnaud Rebotini), clearly loves her very much, but he’s busy with work and still grieving for the little girl’s mum, who died a few years before this story starts. He can’t manage on his own. Thank goodness for Gloria (Ilça Moreno Zego), a nanny, who forges a close bond with the child. In her care, Cléo (Louise Mauroy-Panzani) is happy: she laughs; she learns; she lights up the rooms of their Paris apartment.

But there’s a darker side to Gloria’s story. An immigrant, she’s come to France to earn the money to pay for her own children’s education. They’re back in Cape Verde, being cared for by Gloria’s mum. And when she dies, Gloria knows it’s time to go back home, and try to build the hotel she’s been saving for. Cléo is devastated by the loss of a second ‘mother’.

Arnaud and Gloria come up with a plan to ease the little girl’s pain: she can visit Gloria for a holiday. In Cape Verde, we see that Cléo is not the only motherless child: ten-year-old César (Fredy Gomes Tavares) is resentful of the Parisian who stole his mum from him. His older sister, Nanda (Abnara Gomes Varela), is more welcoming, but when she gives birth to her own son – Gloria’s first grandchild – Cléo experiences a powerful jealousy…

Written and directed by Marie Amachoukeli-Barsacq, Àma Gloria is a beautifully understated film, anchored by an extraordinary performance from its young co-lead. Mauroy-Panzani is luminous, her emotional reactions heart-wrenchingly convincing. Moreno Zego is excellent too: she imbues Gloria with both dignity and heart.

The animated sequences (by Marie and Pierre-Emmanuel Lyet) work really well, their soft edges lending them a dream-like quality, their blurriness suggestive of Cléo’s vision when she takes off her glasses. They magnify key points in the drama, slowing down the action so that we have to focus on the moment.

In fact, not much happens, but the what-might-have-beens are expertly placed so that, even when they don’t occur, we have already imagined them; they form part of our experience of the film. It’s a clever touch.

Heart-breaking, life-affirming, thought-provoking and delicate, Àma Gloria is a lovely, affecting film.

4.4 stars

Susan Singfield

Da Steak Hoose

02/07/24

Mounthooly Street, Lerwick, Shetland

We’re in Shetland for an author visit and until today the weather has been relentlessly dreich. This afternoon though, after the book event, the clouds disappear so we visit St Ninian’s Isle. After a long hike, we find ourselves in the mood for a slap-up meal. We can hardly fail to notice Da Steak Hoose, which literally adjoins the charming Airbnb where we’re staying.

First impressions aren’t promising. From the outside the place looks unprepossessing, almost forbidding, with no way of seeing what actually lies behind those blacked-out windows, and we start to wonder if it’s still doing business. But then we notice a sheet of faded paper in the window announcing that the establishment won a ‘Best Scottish Steakhouse Award’ in 2023 and so we make the (one minute) journey and head upstairs to the restaurant.

It quickly becomes clear that those first impressions were deceptive. There’s a large, roomy dining area, already half full of cheerful, friendly customers. The staff are charming and we’re soon sipping drinks and perusing the menu. We note that other diners are happily tucking in to generously-sized starters, which look enticing, but we resolve to cut straight to the main course and leave some room for pudding.

I order the rib-eye steak with a pepper corn sauce, and Susan opts for the sirloin. Soon enough, the meals arrive and we don’t require any urging to get stuck in. The medium-rare steaks are succulent, easy to slice and gloriously juicy. They are accompanied by baskets of chips, which are amongst the best I’ve eaten, with dry crispy exteriors and a soft floury centre: exactly what fried potatoes ought to be but so often aren’t. There’s a little green salad, a slice of intensely flavoured sweet tomato and some crispy onion rings. It’s all handsomely presented and it goes down a treat.

There’s a choice of just four puddings so we decide to share two of them. There’s a sticky toffee pudding, which is soft and scrumptious and full of dates, served with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and a fresh strawberry. It’s nicely judged, sweet but not too sweet. The chocolate flowerpot brownie is also a delight, the chunk of brownie gooey and indulgent, the flowerpot even more so, the chocolate shell stuffed with a thick chocolate mousse, the whole thing decorated with raspberries, chocolate crumb and edible flowers. It tastes every bit as delicious as it looks.

So, should you ever make it out to Shetland – and there are plenty of reasons why you should – Da Steak Hoose should be on every carnivore’s bucket list.

4.2 stars

Philip Caveney