Joe Pantoliano | Bouquets & Brickbats

19/06/24

Cineworld, Edinburgh

True confession. I’ve never watched a Bad Boys film. Until now.

And having watched one, I can never regain that feeling of being blissfully oblivious to the franchise. Here’s what happens: I find I have the opportunity to see a movie and the only one that starts at a convenient time is Bad Boys: Ride or Die. I know that the previous instalment, Bad Boys for Life, took a shitload of money at the box office, so I decide to book a ticket. After all, how bad can it be?

The answer to that is an unequivocal ‘very.’ It may have helped if I’d seen the previous instalment, but there’s not much I can do about that because nothing short of a hefty bribe will ever induce me to go back for a second helping of this nonsense. There is a plot and I will attempt to (briefly) explain it.

Mike Lowrey (Will Smith) gets married to Kelly (Vanessa Hudgens) and at the following knees-up, Mike’s sidekick, Marcus Burnett (Martin Lawrence), suffers a near-fatal heart attack. He manages to shrug it off (virtually overnight) and seems reinvigorated by the experience, to the extent that he starts throwing himself headlong into every situation like a teenager on steroids.

Then there’s bad news. The BB’s previous boss, Captain Howard (Joe Pantoliano), who was shot dead in the last film, is being framed by ‘The Cartel.’ They are downloading millions of dollars into his bank account. (Full disclosure: I watch the film carefully but I honestly have no idea why they are doing this). Of course, Mike and Marcus love their ex-boss and so, when they receive videos featuring him – only to be watched in the event of his death – they vow to clear his name.

In this endeavour they are aided by Mike’s illegitimate son, Armando (Jacob Scipio), who was in jail but escapes after a helicopter crash. Armando is subsequently hunted by US Marshall Judy (Rhea Seehorn), who has sworn to kill him. (Again, I guess I needed to have seen For Ever to fully appreciate why. Or, I don’t know, maybe they could have put in a few flashbacks? Just saying.)

There ensues a series of shoot-outs in a variety of locations in Florida, where gangs of bad guys are punched, shot, stabbed or blown to smithereens but, since I don’t know anything about them, I don’t care – though I am strangely bewildered by their seeming ability to reproduce mid-action so that what seems like a handful at the start winds up as a veritable army. There’s also a climactic gun battle in an abandoned theme park (of course there is) that for no apparent reason features a gigantic albino alligator, who you just know is going to eat somebody.

Every so often, Mike and Marcus break off from killing people to have an improvised comedy conversation about life, or jelly beans, or… barbecues. I’m hoping it’s improvised because if screenwriters Chris Bremner and Will Beall actually scripted this, there’s little hope left for humanity. Smith keeps his performance relatively downbeat while Laurence acts like he’s still having that heart attack, gurning and dilating his eyes every time he speaks and, at one point, even shouting ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Motherfucker!’ which again, probably refers back to… something. I am somewhat saddened to see the excellent Seehorn (of Better Call Saul) reduced to running around in a bullet proof vest and looking angry, but at least she’s given more to do than the other female characters.

Directors Adil El Arbi and Bilall Fallah give cinematographer Robrecht Heyvaert every opportunity to employ a whole battery of arty styles to every action sequence, so that even in the simplest punch-up it’s impossible to tell who is hitting who and why. One extended sequence plays out like a video game, with the camera freewheeling around an interior like a super-charged pinball.

The credits finally roll and I let out a long sigh of relief. Then I scuttle out, just in case there’s a Bad Boys post-credit sequence. I’ve seen enough of this franchise to last me a lifetime.

2 stars

Philip Caveney

28/03/20

Since new cinema releases are hard to come by, we’ve decided to take a fresh look at some old favourites and reappraise them through a contemporary lens. Are they still as good as we thought they were? First out of the (DVD) box is Midnight Run (1988), directed by Martin Brest.

I first saw this film on its cinematic release (so in Manchester, I guess) and I went to it with no real expectations. Brest was, at that time, best known for his work on Beverly Hills Cop, a big-hitting feature for Eddie Murphy, and I pretty much thought it would be just another genre piece. But it’s much more than that, largely because of the wonderful chemistry between Robert De Niro and Charles Grodin, which turns this comedy crime caper into what used be known as a ‘buddy movie.’

De Niro plays Jack Walsh, former cop turned bounty hunter, working for bails bondsman, Eddie Moscone (Joe Pantoliano.) Moscone has recently put up the bail for accountant, Jonathan Mardukis (Grodin), who has stolen two million dollars from mafia big wig Jimmy Serrano (Denis Farina), money which he has promptly donated to charity. Serrano is eager to have his revenge and, meanwhile, the FBI, led by Agent Alonzo Mosely (Yapphet Kotto), are also very interested in talking to Mardukis. Can Walsh find his quarry and bring him in for trial before violent retribution catches up with him?

Of course, Midnight Run has all the genre tropes you’d expect from a film like this – hair raising shoot-outs, extended car chases and bruising punch ups – but it’s in the developing relationship between Walsh and Mardukis that the film really shines. This, of course, features De Niro when he was still at the top of his game, able to convey so much with just a look and a shrug. Watch the heart-wrenching scene where Walsh is suddenly confronted by the teenage daughter he hasn’t seen in nine years and you are witnessing a masterclass in understatement. Grodin, meanwhile, plays his polar opposite, a calm and relaxed character, somehow nurturing despite his invidious position as the man who everybody wants to kill.

The witty screenplay by George Gallo fairly bristles with memorable one liners (I’m delighted to find that I can still remember most of them after all these years) and there’s also a hilarious turn from John Aston as dim-witted rival bounty hunter, Marvin Dorfler. The extended running ‘punch’ gag between him and Walsh is perfectly played throughout.

What seems particularly weird when viewing this from a contemporary perspective is all that gratuitous smoking – characters enjoy cigarettes on planes, trains, in offices, on the subway… just about everywhere you can think of. And of course, there are no mobile phones, so there are countless scenes of people talking from phone booths or running into bars just in time to pick up a receiver.

But these idiosyncrasies aside, Midnight Run stands time’s acid test. It’s still hugely enjoyable. Martin Brest had a few more successes waiting for him down the line, not least guiding Al Pacino to his Oscar win for Scent of a Woman in 1992, but this remains his most satisfying piece of work, the perfect choice for a locked-down life.

4.6 stars

Philip Caveney