Ian McShane

Ballerina

12/06/25

Cineworld, Edinburgh

The John Wick films are okay in a propulsive stabby-shooty sort of way. Ballerina – which we are informed is from ‘The World of John Wick’ (i.e. it features a cameo by Keanu Reeves) centres on Eve Macarro (Ana de Armas), who, when we first encounter her, is just a little girl (Victoria Comte). She carries a wind-up ballerina toy everywhere she goes because, you know, she’d like to be a dancer when she grows up. But before that can happen, she’s obliged to witness the brutal murder of her father by trained assassins. (Well, these things happen.)

After his death, she’s collected by Winston (Ian McShane), who leads her from the hospital waiting room – without anybody even asking him what he’s up to – and ensures that she’s enrolled in a mysterious ballet school run by The Director (Anjelica Huston). Eve does train to be a ballet dancer, leaping about until her toes bleed but – just in case she doesn’t make the grade – she also takes extra classes in assassination. Well, you never know, it could come in handy.

Fully grown up and able to take down a whole room full of adversaries without turning a hair, she’s finally entrusted with her first mission. She must go and… you know what, I’m still not entirely sure what the first mission actually is. All I know is that it involves a massive punch-up in the world’s least convincing disco and then it escalates. More and more bad guys and gals keep coming out of the woodwork, and Eve eventually winds up travelling to the picturesque town of Halstatt, where The Cult are based. These are the people who killed her daddy, so naturally she wants revenge…

If I’m honest, even recounting this much of the plot is making me weary, but the basic premise is that everyone who lives in Halstatt – I mean everyone – is a trained killer, regardless of age, gender or occupation. They can be called up at the drop of a hat by The Chancellor (Gabriel Byrne) and instructed to kill whoever he’s taken a dislike to. And… well, you’ve probably worked out who’s next on his naughty list. Here’s a clue. Her name begins with an E.

From this point, the film becomes one extended brawl. Eve doesn’t just kill the people who attack her, she punches, stabs, decapitates, burns, bludgeons, explodes and dismembers them. (As you do.) Her opponents tend to emerge from such interactions in pieces, while she just has a discreet scratch on one cheek. You’d think, wouldn’t you, with all that frantic action going on, this would be exciting stuff? But somehow it really isn’t. The fight scenes are turgid and wearisome, and – aside perhaps from one sequence where Eve and an assailant indulge in a flamethrower duel – they’re tropes I’ve seen too many times before. There’s also a Chekhovian tendency to use any object glimpsed in a scene as a murder weapon. A frying pan? Why not? A glass vase? Go for it!

Mind you, the fight scenes are punctuated by occasional lines of dialogue and that’s where things get really horrible. Characters talk extremely slowly and offer portentous insights. A coin has two sides! Who knew? A woman can only beat a man if she fights like a girl! Really?

Well, the warning signs were there. Delays, reshoots and a change of director. I know this franchise has its fans and perhaps even a fleeting glimpse of Keanu will be enough to keep hard-core followers happy, but Ballerina has a running time of more than two hours and I find myself checking my watch after just fifteen minutes. Whats up next, I wonder? John Wick: Watching Paint Dry? Don’t laugh, it could happen.

2.5 stars

Philip Caveney

Coraline (15th Anniversary)

29/08/24

Cineworld, Edinburgh

It’s hard to believe that fifteen years have already passed since Coraline was first released – and now it’s back in the cinemas in a fabulous new 3D digital print. Any fears that the film might look somehow ‘old school’ are instantly dispelled from the stunning credit sequence onwards. It’s been polished and sharpened and, while I’ve seen many films in 3D, few of them look as ravishing as this one.

Based on Neil Gaiman’s novel, adapted and directed by Henry Selick, Studio Laika’s debut film is the story of young Coraline (voiced by Dakota Fanning), who has recently moved to a spooky old house in the country. Her parents, Mel (Teri Hatcher) and Charlie (John Hodgman), are well-meaning but totally caught up in the gardening catalogue they are writing together. Left to her own devices, Coraline interacts with the house’s other residents. There’s a pair of weird ex-theatricals, Miss Spink (Jennifer Saunders) and Miss Forcible (Dawn French). There’s a muscle-bound circus performer, Mr Bobinsky (Ian McShane), who teaches mice to jump (as you do) – and there’s awkward teenager, Wyborn (Robert Bailey Jnr), who clearly likes Coraline a lot but finds it hard to tell her. There’s also a mysterious black cat (Keith David) who has a habit of popping up in the most unlikely places.

But when Coraline discovers a mysterious locked doorway in her bedroom, she can’t resist exploring and, at the end of a long, fleshy tunnel, she discovers an alternate world where her ‘other parents’ live. They have buttons for eyes – which is worrying – but on the other hand, their bizarre ‘anything goes’ lifestyle does seem to be incredibly enticing – and it’s clear from the outset that they’d just love Coraline to come and live with them. Only first, she’ll need a slight adjustment…

Coraline is one of those perfectly-pitched fantasies, on the one hand enchantingly inventive and on the other, pulsating with dark menace. As ever, I’m astonished by how much character the animators have conveyed through those tiny stop-motion figures – the uncanny way that every gesture, every facial expression, is captured with enough authority to make me believe that I’m looking at something that has life beyond the film cameras.

Furthermore, every aspect of this production – the incredibly detailed sets, the colourful costumes, the intense dreamlike lighting – are lovingly crafted and work together to create a satisfying whole. I shudder to think of the sheer time it must have taken to bring this story to life, the years expended on moving those metal armatures a centimetre at a time. But the effort was clearly worth it. There are so many glorious sequences on display that the movie seems to positively race along. It’s worth staying in your seats to watch the short film that follows as a team of animators from Laika sit down to discuss how they have gone about updating that glorious original.

This is, quite simply, a masterpiece of animation. And if you’re thinking, ‘well, I’ve already seen it,’ let me assure you that this glorious new edition is well worth another look.

5 stars

Philip Caveney

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Hercules

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25/1/15

This film came and went from the UK box office making barely a ripple. Worth catching up with on DVD? Absolutely. In fact, it’s a hoot, mainly because it doesn’t take itself too seriously and there’s some astute casting choices here. Dwayne Johnson plays the musclebound hero and we join him some time after he has undertaken his twelve epic tasks. We see them enacted in the opening scenes, employing decent CGI, but then, the camera pulls back and shows us something closer to the reality of the situation. Hercules is now a mercenary who works for the highest bidder and though possessed of exceptional strength, he doesn’t undertake his missions alone, but with a crack team of warriors. These include his best pal Autoclytus (Rufus Sewell) as adept with the sword as he is with a well-timed witty wisecrack and resident seer Amphiaraus (Ian McShane) who having foreseen his own imminent death, lends a certain gallows humour to the proceedings. We quickly learn that those Herculean ‘tasks’ have been somewhat exaggerated. The mythical beasts were just men in masks and this story concerns itself chiefly with the way myths are created, how fairly ordinary events are, over time, amped up into legend.

When the team is approached by Ergenia (Rebecca Ferguson), the daughter of Lord Cotys (John Hurt), who is looking to hire some mercenaries, Hercules agrees to undertake the task in exchange for his own weight in gold. But as he and his friends set about training Lord Cotys’s army for battle it soon becomes clear that Cotys has been somewhat economical with the truth and maybe it’s time for Hercules and his crew to pick their sides more carefully.

Director Brett Ratner, hasn’t always delivered the best product in the past (Rush Hour, anybody? Red Dragon?) but this is good, undemanding fun, with some well paced battle sequences and a better script than this kind of story generally enjoys. Johnson is appealing in the title role, showing a certain vulnerability beneath the physique (even if his friendship with Ergenia’s squawking brat of a son is hard to fathom) and there’s a nice turn by the ever dependable Peter Mullan as the scowling Sitacles. Think The Magnificent Seven with breastplates and togas and you’ll know what to expect.

3.9 stars

Philip Caveney