Food

The Cow Shed

03/04/17

The Cow Shed, North Gate, Wakefield

We’re in Wakefield for just one night – Philip’s working here tomorrow – and, of course, we need to eat. A Facebook request yields plenty of recommendations from locals – for a small town, Wakefield certainly boasts more than its fair share of restaurants. But one place crops up in almost every response: The Cow Shed on North Gate. We check out the menu online and decide it’s a go-er, so we book ourselves in.

My parents drive over to spend the evening with us, and the four of us are soon ensconced at a table in the beautiful old grade 2 listed building, which – we learn – was the inspiration for Joanne Harris’s acclaimed novel Chocolat. It’s all white walls and wooden beams, yet with a contemporary rustic vibe. (Those who need an accessible loo should be aware, however, that the facilities are all upstairs.) There’s an early-bird set menu on offer and, as it’s Monday, we don’t even have to be early birds to enjoy it: it’s available all evening. There’s plenty to choose from, so we decide to make the most of it.

I start with the roast pepper and plum tomato grilled goat cheese with basil oil and wild rocket, which is absolutely delicious. It looks lovely, the red and white offset by a bright green basil oil, and it tastes divine, all sweet pepper and salty cheese. Philip has the fine bean, snow pea and anchovy salad with soft boiled eggs and pronounces it perfection on a plate. Mum’s a bit under the weather and not so hungry, so she skips the starter but Dad’s chicken liver and mushroom paté is so generously proportioned that he easily eats enough for two; it’s accompanied by toasted ciabatta, mixed leaf and onion marmalade. He declares himself a happy man.

Philip’s main course is the standout: a char-grilled chicken breast with button mushrooms, savoy cabbage, smoked pancetta and a white wine cream sauce. There’s depth of flavour here, and some real skill evident in the cooking of that sauce. My pan roasted cod fillet, wrapped in parma ham, is robust and well-cooked, served with a delicate pea purée, sautéed potatoes and pea watercress velout. It’s very nice indeed,  and Mum has the same, but Dad goes for the 8 oz rump steak, which is also excellent, particularly considering the keen pricing here. He struggles to finish it after his large starter but persists manfully to the very last mouthful.

Mum eschews pudding – she clearly has more willpower than the rest of us combined. For us, the selection on offer defies resistance, and Philip and I both yield to the temptations of a warm rhubarb and ginger pudding with vanilla ice cream. It’s real comfort food: all warmth and spice and deliciousness. Dad goes for the sticky toffee pudding. He seems to have an unerring eye for the plus-sized dishes; this one is swimming in more toffee sauce than we’ve ever seen on one plate before. Maybe he just looks like he needs feeding up? I sample a spoonful and it’s every bit as accomplished as the rest of the food on offer here.

It’s a school night and we’re being good so we don’t even look at the wine list. There’s a decent range of teas and coffees though, and we’re more than happy with what we’ve had. If you’re in Wakefield and in need of sustenance, this place is well worth checking out. Thanks to everyone who recommended it.

4.7 stars

Susan Singfield

Restaurant Mark Greenaway

31/03/17

North Castle Street, Edinburgh

The last time we visited Restaurant Mark Greenaway – September 2015, as it happens… thanks for asking! – we berated it for having a ‘slightly austere feel’ and ‘glum-looking punters.’ Maybe we were just in a tetchy mood that day. At any rate, it’s time for a reappraisal and, since the restaurant is still offering an insanely good value deal (three courses with matched wines for £40 a head) and we have a visitor, now seems a propitious time to give it another try.

We’re glad to see that the dining room has had a bit of a makeover since our last visit – it looks a lot simpler and fresher – and there’s certainly nothing glum about tonight’s crowd, who are chatting happily away and tucking eagerly into their food. Like most set menus, there isn’t a great variety, but what’s on offer looks very appetising indeed, so we’re happy too.

My starter is the Loch Fyne crab cannelloni with lemon pearls, herb butter and baby coriander. Half of this is housed in a glass bowl, which covers a second bowl of cauliflower custard; this is being gently smoked even as I appraise it. It’s a neat bit of culinary showmanship, but it’s actually more than just that, because the rich smoky flavour really has permeated that custard and it’s all a delight to eat. The matched wine for this is Casa Bonita, a citrusy Spanish wine which combines chardonnay and macebeo grapes. Our visitor opts for the chicken and leek terrine which features prune compote, wild garlic mayonnaise, heritage carrots and beetroot pickled shallots. I have to say it looks pretty good too and she confirms that it tastes every bit as good as it appears.

For the main course, we all decide that we want the same, the 11 hour roasted Clash Farm belly pork, which is a bit useless in terms of a review, but we want what we want, and we’re sticking to it, so there’s nothing to be done about the situation. And none of us is disappointed with the choice because this is a regal repast, the sweet sticky pork topped with a crunchy skin. Actually, this dish has also had a bit of a makeover since I last sampled it. It’s now accompanied by a slice of blackened fillet, a pork-cheek pie, sweetcorn and a toffee-apple jus. Nothing here is as straightforward as you might expect. The fillet really does have a delightfully sooty coating, the pie’s pastry is satisfyingly crisp and even the slice of corn has been seared on a grill to maximise the flavour. All this goes perfectly with the glass of rich Casa Silva pinot noir accompanies it.

Having been unanimous about the main course, we’re equally fixed on our choice of pudding: the Great British Menu ‘knot’ chocolate tart. If you’re not mad about chocolate, this may not be the sweet for you but, to chocoholics like me, it’s a one-way ticket to heaven. The intensely flavoured chocolate (dark, milk and white varieties) comes with custard jelly, frozen cookies, creme fraiche parfait, salted caramel and kumquat parfait. My only complaint here is that it simply doesn’t last long enough, though I can’t help noticing that I finish my portion long before my companions. The accompanying wine is a thick, sherry-like Lafage Ambré, which I wouldn’t normally dream of drinking but, when matched with a dish like this, it works like a charm and makes nonsense of those people who claim that the sommeliers of the world are just making it up as they go along.

At this great value price, you’d be crazy not to nip along and give it a try – and, if money’s no object, you’ll be rewarded with some of the most adventurous and delightful cooking currently on offer in this fair city.

5 stars

Philip Caveney

 

Signatures

25/03/17

Signatures, Aberconwy Park, Conwy

We’re in North Wales to visit family and are invited out for lunch. The venue comes highly recommended by our hosts but I’m slightly disconcerted when I hear that the restaurant is in an unusual location – a holiday park in Conwy. All manner of unfavourable memories come crowding in, of the kind of ‘egg and chip’ greasy spoon hellholes visited in my youth. But one glance around the interior of Signatures quickly sets my mind at rest. This is a luxurious contemporary dining establishment and one that clearly already enjoys a devoted following.

We settle ourselves in and decide to order from the set menu which offers two courses for £17.95 and three for £22.95. It’s a lovely sunny day and there are pleasant views of the immaculately tended gardens. The staff are very friendly, meeting us as if we’re old friends and going the extra mile to make sure we’re happy. In a perfect world, it would always be like this, but of course, we don’t live in a perfect world, which is pretty much our lunchtime conversation.

For my starter I choose the Signatures’ eggs Benedict, which instead of the more usual bacon features a slice of smoked haddock. It works beautifully, the flakey fish mingling perfectly with the soft poached egg and a thick, tangy Hollandaise sauce. Susan has the crispy belly pork which is served with a quenelle of sage mash, with apple purée and elegant strips of crunchy crackling. For us, that’s a clear round.

For my main course, I have the roast breast of chicken, which is accompanied by carrot and swede mash, sticky red cabbage, Lyonnaise potatoes and a Madeira cream. The chicken is soft and moist and isn’t overpowered by the Madeira, while that sticky red cabbage is so lovely, I could happily indulge in a whole bowl of it. Susan’s pan fried sea bass is also a delight, sitting upon a bed of creamy shrimp and pea risotto and accompanied by asparagus. Me, I’m starting to envy the people on this luxury site who have an establishment like this only a few steps away.

Puddings? Don’t mind if we do, particularly when the sticky toffee is as mouth-watering (and as abundant) as it is here. It’s accompanied by a scoop of vanilla ice cream and a very nice butterscotch sauce. Susan samples the classic creme brûlée which comes with homemade shortbread and an intensely flavoured strawberry sorbet.

I guess this is a lesson on how expectations can often be so misleading. Signatures may be in an unprepossessing location, but this is cuisine that would give many grander, more expensive establishments a run for their money. We couldn’t find a single thing wrong with the food or the service here – and it’s not every day you can make a claim like that.

5 stars

Philip Caveney

Miller & Carter Steakhouse

24/03/17

Mirfield, Yorkshire

We’re visiting family in Huddersfield and in need of some sustenance. This place comes highly recommended by my favourite daughter and her charming partner, so the four of us take the short trip to Mirfield to check it out. A steak dinner is many people’s idea of the perfect default dining option, but it’s depressingly difficult to find a decent one. Those ‘tough-as-shoeleather-dry-as-the Sahara’ offerings are so often the norm, we begin to see them as inevitable. So it’s truly heartening to discover a place that actually gets the formula right.

At first glance, I’m somewhat doubtful, because the dining area is huge – room after room, packed with eager punters – and it’s also part of a sizeable chain, which is often an indication of impending mediocrity. With this many covers, how are they ever going to maintain their standards, I wonder? Well, I needn’t have worried. Our companions have warned us that portions here are on the hearty scale, so for starters the four of us share a plate of nachos. The hand cut tortilla chips come laced with Cheddar cheese sauce, tomato salsa, sour cream, guacamole and some decently punchy jalapeños – just enough to get our taste buds going and to accompany our opening salvo of drinks.

We’re fans of ribeye steak, so we both order the 12 oz variety, while our companions opt for slices of rump. To be honest, the menu offers just about every cut you could possibly think of, including on the bone, off the bone and all points in between. The steaks arrive promptly, each accompanied by our individual choice of sauce in a separate jug. We also get a ‘wedge’ – a hefty chunk of iceberg lettuce, which comes with a choice of four dressings (I go for bacon and honey mustard, which is terrific). There are regular or sweet potato fries and a generous slice of what the restaurant calls ‘onion loaf’, which is sweet and crunchy and really nice to have on the plate. Just for interest’s sake we also try a side portion of lobster mac n’ cheese, which is everything you’d expect it to be, gooey and comforting, with hefty chunks of crustacean thrown in for good measure. The steaks themselves are perfectly cooked, thick and succulent, tender enough to cut with an ordinary knife (though we are supplied with sharper ones). All steaks are premium graded and matured for at least 30 days. What else can I tell you? It works, totally and at a decent price – a ribeye steak comes in at just under £20.

After that, we’re pretty satiated but selflessly (and purely, you understand, for the sake of this review) we order a sharing plate of four desserts and play that game of ‘not wanting to be the last person to take a spoonful’, so we each take smaller and smaller amounts until one brave individual (not me, I promise!) shame-facedly snatches up the last crumb. By this time we’re well in to the second bottle of prosecco, so I barely remember what the pudding actually comprises, but it hardly matters – the real story here is the steak experience, which is done with absolute authority. What else can we do but award it full marks?

The next time you’re in West Yorkshire and that Neolithic need for fresh meat comes over you, you’ll know a good place to go in order to satisfy it.

5 stars

Philip Caveney

Galvin Brasserie De Luxe

19/03/17

The Caledonian is of course, home to the Galvins’ Pompadour, a superb fine-dining restaurant we’ve already reviewed and loved. But the brothers have another venue housed in the same hotel, this one with a less formal, more bistro-like ambience, so we decide to head along and try out one of their special deals, which offers two courses and a glass of prosecco for just £17.50 a head. (Three courses: £21.50)

There’s a nice bustling atmosphere on the Sunday evening we choose to visit, though we note that the special deal doesn’t exactly give us a great deal of choice – just two starters and two mains from their seasonal menu, but they both sound suitably enticing, so we make our respective selections. I have the carrot & coriander velouté, served with pickled carrot and coriander oil. This is beautifully done, the thick sweet soup making a perfect contrast to the crunchy vinegary pickle and I use some of the excellent sourdough we’ve been greeted with, to mop the plate clean.  The confit chicken roulade is also nicely cooked and presented, a tasty savoury dish dressed with a thick tarragon mayonnaise.

No sooner have the plates been cleared than the main courses appear and it’s hard not to feel a little rushed. The coley fillet, with cauliflower and almond cous cous is very good indeed, the fish virtually melting in the mouth; bit I must confess to being rather less pleased with the lamb shank with aubergine caviar, courgette and fennel and basil puree, mostly because the lamb has been ‘pulled.’ Pulled meat seems to be everywhere these days but it makes for a less satisfying eating experience, because no matter how flavoursome it might be (and this surely is), there’s no real texture to it. To confound matters, the side order of fries we order doesn’t appear until we’ve actually finished eating and when it finally does show up, it’s just a tin container filled with the kind of tasteless frozen fries you’ll find pretty much anywhere. To be fair to the restaurant, because of the delay they don’t charge for these, but their absence means we’re waiting instead of relaxing while we eat, and this puts a bit of a crimp on the meal.

We eschew a pudding and indulge ourselves with a second glass of prosecco. A quick perusal of the wine list shows that there isn’t a decent bottle of plonk under £40 and this strikes us as a failing. While we’d be happy to spend that if we were having a more expensive meal, there should surely be a range of lower cost wines to accompany the bistro experience?

All-in-all, we’d go back to The Pompidour in a heartbeat, but the Brasserie probably needs to up its game a little if it hopes to compete with its more sophisticated neighbour.

3.5 stars

Philip Caveney

Restaurant at the Bonham

09/0/17

Drumsheugh Gardens, Edinburgh

Edinburgh has more than its fair share of fine-dining establishments and, at the moment, there are some insanely good deals to be found. AA Rosette-winning The Restaurant at the Bonham is offering three courses and wine for just £23.50 per head. How can we resist?

Situated in a quiet backwater of the West End, the restaurant proves to be a pleasant environment in which to eat, quite busy when we arrive at just after eight pm but pleasantly so. The staff are welcoming and attentive and the oddly titled ‘boozy snoozy’ menu offers a choice of four dishes in each section.

For starters, Susan samples the organic beetroot Soup with goat cheese crouton. This is splendid; the soup is a thick deep red and deliciously sweet, the croutons making a crunchy, savoury contrast. I have the poached Egg with roasted onion consommé, lemon thyme and smoked duck. The egg is perfectly cooked and, an important point, the yolk when broken, cascades over the crispy, savoury accompaniment, offering all the flavours of a traditional fried breakfast with none of the grease. An excellent start.

The main courses are, if anything, even more assured. Susan’s Hake fillet is as light as you could possibly hope for, virtually melting in the mouth. It is accompanied by fennel croquettes and dressed with a richly fishy shellfish sauce. My Beef is also spot on, two generously sized onglet steaks, served medium rare and mouthwateringly succulent, dressed with a sweet onion purée and with a layered Pomme Anna on the side. The meat is smothered in a tangy bourguignon sauce, with an intriguing tang of aniseed.

We add a couple of side dishes at £3.50 a pop: a rocket and parmesan salad and – mostly because we are intrigued – stir fry cauliflower rice with pancetta. This is a little revelation. We’re always being urged to substitute cauliflower for rice in order to save calories and, I have to confess, it’s never sounded particularly  appealing, but this works brilliantly and it’s something we’ll definitely be trying at home.

And so to puds. Susan has the white chocolate and cranberry bread and butter pudding, which is endearingly gooey – while I opt for an old favourite, sticky toffee pudding, this version much lighter than the norm, which is a blessing because, by now, even I am getting pretty full. Both sweets are served with scoops of intensely flavoured vanilla ice cream and make a satisfying conclusion to the meal.

The bottle of house white that accompanies the meal is perfectly acceptable and, all things considered, this would still be impressive at twice the price. If you’re around Edinburgh, you’d be crazy not to try this offer. Get in there now before somebody decides that they should probably be charging more.

5 stars

Philip Caveney

B’est

26/02/17

B’est, Drummond Street, Edinburgh

A quick glance around the deceptively spacious interior of B’est leaves us feeling slightly puzzled. There’s a somewhat hokey, unfocused feel to the place. The large framed prints of The Arc De Triomphe and The Eiffel Tower, would suggest that we’re in for some French-style cuisine tonight but, if that’s the case, what are we to make of the collection of Toby jugs dotted around the shelves? What’s brought us here is not a tip-off from a friend or decent word-of-mouth, but what looks like an unbelievably good Groupon deal. And we’re not averse to using them as a way of trying out new places.

The restaurant is located on Drummond Street, a stone’s throw from the Festival Theatre and it’s been here for around a decade. During the Ed Fest it’s the regular setting for The Fawlty Towers Experience, a dining opportunity with added slapstick – although we’re hopeful there won’t be too much of that tonight. The fact that we spot one of Susan’s colleagues dining here we take as a good sign. An attentive and friendly waiter brings us the menu and we see that the concise selection of dishes on offer comes from all over Europe, with the odd dash of classic Scots thrown in for good measure.

The first starter really couldn’t be any more traditional – a Haggis and Black Pudding Tower with neeps and tatties. This turns out to be a melt-in-the-mouth savoury delight, steeped in a thick, lip-smacking gravy. Susan opts for the Goats Cheese Tartlet and this too is simply cracking, the generously sized slice of tangy cheese resting on sweet beetroot and accompanied by a salad dressed with summer fruit coulis. It’s clear that whoever’s out  in the kitchen knows a thing or three about flavours.

My main course is a Pork Valdestar with bacon and cheddar gratin, and again it’s a winner, tender enough to slice with a table knife, layered with a crispy cheese topping and smothered in a tangy sauce. It’s accompanied by al dente broccoli and a heap of tiny roast potatoes. All good stuff. Susan goes for a real classic, Beef Lasagne, which of course we’ve eaten many times before, but even this has a distinctive flavour, unlike any lasagne we’ve had elsewhere.

Have we got room for puddings? Well, the deal we’ve gone for comprises three courses for one price so that’s an automatic yes. I opt for a Crepe with raspberry filling, which is just as it should be, light as you like and tasty as anything. Susan’s Apple Pie has an unmistakably Dutch feel to it, the apple liberally mixed with raisins (which makes it a no-go area in my book) but she reports herself well pleased with it. Both desserts come with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Okay, so B’est isn’t going to win any awards for its interior design, and the look of the food may not be as stylish as it could be, but everything we try tastes way better than the average and, when the price of two three course meals comes to slightly less than the bottle of Pinot Grigio we’ve chosen to accompany them, we can hardly complain about not getting value for money. Given a bit of a makeover, B’est could be up there with the (forgive me) best of them but, as it stands, if you’re in the market for good wholesome cooking at an absolutely knock-down price, I’d advise you to walk in the direction of Drummond Street and try it for yourself.

4.2 stars

Philip Caveney

Akva Smorgasbord

16/02/17

Fountainbridge, Edinburgh

We’re in the mood for lunch out and we’ve been promising ourselves we’ll try this smorgasbord for a while. Akva is a big, spacious, Swedish-style bar with a relaxed and friendly buzz about it. It’s pleasantly located in Fountainbridge at the top of the Union Canal, one of Edinburgh’s hidden treasures. They do a conventional menu, which we’ve sampled before, but they also offer a daily lunchtime buffet.

It’s all reassuringly simple. When you choose to ‘go smorgasbord’ you’re issued with a decently sized plate and invited to fill it from the buffet for a very reasonable £7.50. If you’re an individual with a particularly hearty appetite, another fiver will allow you to return for even more and the great thing is, you don’t have to decide straight away. (Just as well as it turns out, because even we have to admit that one plate is plenty even for seasoned diners like us).

It would take forever to list everything that’s on offer today, but the array includes smoked trout, smoked salmon, freshly sliced ham, smoked cheese and a multitude of brightly coloured salads , grilled vegetables and assorted pickles. In addition to this, there are two hot dishes – today’s choice is veggie sausage casserole and a three bean chilli, both with accompanying hot rice. There’s also a selection of breads to choose from (the black bread is particularly good). When you’re presented with such a cornucopia of delights to select from, you’ll find yourself trying a little bit of everything and that’s no bad thing, because it means that every forkful you taste is different. Though we try hard to pace ourselves we manage to devour everything on our plates in record time and feel pleasantly full, rather than stuffed.

This is a refreshingly different kind of lunch, a great choice if you’re meeting up with friends and family (particularly those hard-to-please veggie ones) and when you’re finished, you can always nip upstairs and enjoy the free-to-use ping pong table, which in my book is a great addition to any bar – or, weather allowing, why not try a walk along the canal where you can happily work of some of those calories?

Next time you’re stuck for lunch, you know where to go.

4 stars

Philip Caveney

 

Harvey Nichols Forth Floor Brasserie

St Andrew Square, Edinburgh

09/02/17

The Harvey Nichols Forth Floor Brasserie isn’t really on our radar, but first it pops up in T2: Trainspotting, and then we receive an email promoting their winter menu, offering us three courses and a cocktail for a more than reasonable £22 per head. It seems silly not to take advantage of the offer, so we book ourselves in and, a few days later, rock up for our meal.

We’re seated by the window, which definitely helps set the mood: not only is this where Mark Renton reprises his infamous ‘Choose Life’ monologue in T2, we also have an uninterrupted view of the cityscape and castle. And the free ‘Winter Storm’ cocktail – a Bacardi, lime and ginger concoction – is absolutely delicious. So far, so good.

We’re not let down by the food either. Okay, so it’s a little bit too quick arriving, making us feel slightly rushed. But the service is charming, and we take our time eating without anyone bothering us. And the wine we order (a Bordeaux sauvignon blanc) is cold and crisp, and we’re really rather happy here.

I start with the soup of the day, mainly because I’m cold after the walk here, and it’s a sweet potato soup, which I always like. It’s lovely too, with a fresh, citrusy tang that cuts through the creaminess. Philip has the cured Orkney herring, which comes with blood orange, chicory and a herb dressing. It’s sharp and fresh, a light and nicely textured dish, of which he heartily approves.

Philip’s main is honey-roasted Hawick ham, with grain mustard, baby carrots and mashed potato. This is the star of the day, those crispy flakes of pulled ham simply bursting with flavour. The creamy mash is delicious too. I opt for the gnocchi, with goat’s cheese, beetroot, rocket and lime preserve. This is intensely flavoured, and truly delectable, although it’s perhaps a little heavy after the soup, and I can’t finish what’s on my plate.

I still order a dessert though, opting for the chocolate rice pudding with satsuma and biscotti. This is the only disappointing part of the meal, being rather too runny for my taste, and with the satsuma not quite sharp enough to cut through the bitter chocolate. Luckily, Philip’s rhubarb crumble cake with rhubarb sorbet is marvellous, and he lets me share it: it’s warm, sticky and indulgent, and even comes with a little pot of custard, which is always a good thing.

All in all, this is a very positive experience. Would we come back? I don’t know. The vibe isn’t really us: it all seems a bit corporate maybe. But we enjoyed it anyway, and if you like that kind of thing, then it’s definitely worth checking out.

4 stars

Susan Singfield

Norton House Hotel & Spa

Ingliston, Edinburgh

30/01/17

Ah, afternoon tea! Could there be a more quintessentially British concept? I seriously doubt it. This kind of experience has been bringing smiles to the faces of the beleaguered citizens of the UK for a very long time indeed. And now, more than ever, we really need those smiles!

Actually, I have to confess that the prospect of cakes and coffee isn’t one that particularly floats my gastronomic boat, but on this occasion I am outnumbered three-to-one, and since this is a belated Christmas treat for members of the family, I can hardly suggest a plate of cheeky noodles instead – so along we go and even I have to admit that there can be few settings quite as perfect for the occasion as Norton House. Situated ten miles or so outside of Edinburgh, it sits amidst fifty-five acres of impeccably tended gardens and on this sunny, late January day, it all looks absolutely splendid. I have to reflect that life can be hard sometimes, but hey, today really isn’t so bad.

The dining room is delightfully quaint and I’m happy to note, well-attended, so there’s a convivial bustle about the place (the last time we tried one of these things, we were the only people in the dining room, which tends to dampen the spirits somewhat). We get off to an excellent start with the perfect appetiser, a glass of chilled champagne, which gives us that delightfully muzzy feeling (luckily neither of us is the designated driver!). There are unlimited quantities of tea or coffee and it’s elegantly served in proper china cups and saucers. And then the food arrives. Wow. What you can see in the picture serves two people, so we certainly weren’t complaining about the portions.

There are four kinds of finger sandwiches – smoked salmon, cream cheese and capers; honey roast ham with English mustard; egg and cress mayonnaise; and cucumber and mint – all freshly prepared and quite delicious. Of course there are scones and (nice touch this), for those of us who greet the presence of dried fruit with the same enthusiasm we might reserve for a portion of freshly grilled bluebottles, there are also some plain ones on offer, with lashings of clotted cream and raspberry jam. The latter is a little on the runny side, but frankly, if this is the only criticism we can find, it’s not so bad. The scones are brilliant examples of their kind: light, fluffy and hard to resist – but you need to try because there are still the puds.

Ah, the puds! Each one is more delightful than the last, but in amongst the feeding frenzy I manage to note that there’s a passion fruit tart that melts in the mouth, a lemon polenta cake that has a delightful coconut texture, a vanilla panna cotta that’s to die for, a chocolate cake that really ought to be stodgy but is as light as you like, and even some little bright green macarons for those who adore that kind of thing.

Now, don’t get me wrong, we can eat like nobody’s business, but even we have to admit defeat before we’ve quite cleared everything off the display; but it’s no bother. The friendly waitress points out that whatever we can’t finish can be packaged up in a cardboard box, so we can take it home and have another run at it once we’ve recovered our appetites – which, to be honest, isn’t till the following day.

Look, let’s be clear. Afternoon tea still isn’t my favourite thing, but I’d be a very hard man to please if I didn’t acknowledge that, if this kind of thing is your pleasure (as it is my companions’), then you should make a beeline for Norton House at your earliest opportunity. Because, when it comes to the great British cream tea, this is pretty much as good as it gets.

4.8 stars

Philip Caveney