Nicola Coughlan | Bouquets & Brickbats

02/04/26

Cineworld, Edinburgh

If you didn’t read The Magic Faraway Tree as a child, then you really did miss out. Mention the title to anyone who encountered it in their early years, and you’ll unleash a torrent of strange words, none of which will make much sense if you’re not au fait with the fantasy series. “Moonface!” they’ll exclaim. “Silky! The Slippery-slip! Pop-biscuits! Dame Slap!”

This adaptation (written by Simon Farnaby and directed by Ben Gregor) veers wildly from the original but still retains the heart of Enid Blyton’s beloved books. In this version, Beth, Joe and Franny (formerly Bessie, Jo and Fanny) are firmly Generation Alpha, unable to imagine a world without Wi-Fi, ear pods or mobile phones. So when their mum (Claire Foy) loses her well-paid city job and their dad (Andrew Garfield) suggests moving to the middle of nowhere to set up a pasta sauce business, they’re not exactly thrilled.

Teenager Beth (Delilah Bennett-Cardy) is especially put out. Seriously? She’s expected to live here? There’s nothing but fields and trees. What’s she supposed to do? Middle child Joe (Phoenix Laroche) agrees with her: he’s reduced to pretending a plank of wood is a games console. Meanwhile Franny (Billie Gadsdon), a thoughtful child with selective mutism – no, that’s not in the original – is slowly starting to blossom. What’s behind her newfound confidence?

The clue is in the title. Despite warnings from a neighbouring farmer (Farnaby), Franny has ventured into the Enchanted Wood, where she’s encountered the folk of the Faraway Tree. Its trunk and branches house a multitude of wonderful characters – including Moonface (Nonso Anozie), Silky (Nicola Coughlan) and the Saucepan Man (Dustin Demri-Burns). Even better, there’s a ladder at the top, which stretches up through the clouds into a host of magical lands. No wonder Franny’s motivated to speak when she’s bursting with news of elves and pixies and the Land of Goodies. And of course, eventually, her skeptical siblings join her there…

Farnaby and Gregor have captured the essence of Blyton’s stories, the whimsical appeal of fairies, wishes and aeroplanes that get sleepy – but attempting to fit in every idea from the book makes the end result feel a little over-stuffed and it doesn’t help that there are also a lot of ideas that weren’t there in the first place. A sub-plot involving Jennifer Saunders as the children’s avaricious granny (who, for no discernible reason, boasts a dodgy German accent) feels somewhat superfluous. On the other hand, not enough is made of Rebecca Ferguson’s Dame Snap (formerly Slap) and her prison-like school. Ferguson gives this her best shot, but we’re barely in her presence for ten minutes before the adventure careers onwards.

But this is nonetheless a delightful children’s film, which littl’uns are sure to enjoy for its own sake, while their elders take the opportunity to drink a cup of acornade and revel in nostalgia.

3.8 stars

Susan Singfield

10/04/24

Cineworld, Edinburgh

Britain in the Dark Ages is a perilous place for a ruler, as Queen Dagan (Aimee Lou Wood) finds to her cost. A petulant, privileged brat who has never encountered hardship, she’s currently presiding over a realm that’s in imminent danger of collapse, due to the presence of too many revolting peasants. They are currently being stirred into insurrection by the duplicitous Humble Joan (Nicola Coughlan), supposedly down with the common people, but always with one eye on the throne, even when she’s preaching equality.

Dagan’s approach is to carry on regardless, relying on her acolyte Leofwine (Jessica Hynes) for guidance. But she’s the kind of assistant who will switch sides at the drop of a crown, which she promptly does – and Dagan has no option but to flee for her life, accompanied only by faithful servant, Shulmay (Lolly Adefope). Trekking across a remote landscape, they encounter humble shit-spader, Bobik (Nick Frost), a likeable fellow who is clearly as thick as the product he works with, but the three of them team up in a bid to help Dagan to reach some potential allies in the Northlands…

Seize Them! is written by Andy Riley, who has contributed to the Horrible Histories series, and his heritage shows in a string of silly gags in which poos, farts and slapstick figure prominently. But as the story unfolds, I can’t help wondering who this film is actually for. The presence of ‘adult’ swear words and some unexpectedly grisly injury details have earned it a 15 certificate, but no self-respecting fifteen-year-old is going to be content with the childish fare on offer here and I have to confess I’m with them.

While there’s a whole battalion of comic talent doing their best with the poor material they’ve been given, they have precious little to work with. After the disappointment of Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire, it’s once again a shame to see James Acaster fobbed off with generic lines that offer him no room to show what he can actually do – and it’s almost painful to witness Jessica Hynes delivering lines that she could doubtless improve on in her sleep.

Director Curtis Vowell is hampered by a shoestring budget and the result is lacklustre to say the very least. The only scene that does manage to make me laugh – Bobik amiably listing the different kinds of shit he’s worked with – is hardly comedy gold.

This may manage to scare up an audience when it goes to streaming but, as a cinematic experience, it leaves much to be desired.

2.8 stars

Philip Caveney