Kingsmen | Bouquets & Brickbats

07/02/24

Cineworld, Edinburgh

There’s a lot riding on Argylle. An expensive co-production between Paramount and Apple, with a cast of A-listers to die for, Matthew Vaughn’s high concept spy spoof is a valiant attempt to restore his box office fortunes after his last project, The King’s Man, pretty much sank without trace. But the new film has already opened to dismal advance reviews of the one and two star variety. Can it really be that bad?

It doesn’t help that at Edinburgh’s Cineworld, it can only be viewed in expensive special formats not covered by an Unlimited card. My gruelling session at the dentist’s this morning precludes me from being thrown around in a 4DX chair, so I opt for IMAX and settle down to watch – with the other four customers. Word has clearly got around.

Welcome to the world of best-selling novelist, Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard), one of those annoying writers whose every publication is greeted with rampant adulation – and who has an irritating habit of reading the end of her latest books at launches, which is wrong on just about every level.

In her head, her titular spy hero, Argylle, is played by smooth, handsome Henry Cavill, so imagine her surprise when she climbs aboard a train to visit her parents and finds herself sitting opposite genuine spy, Aidan (Sam Rockwell). He’s more unkempt than his fictional counterpart, but just as deadly when push comes to shove, as it soon does. Aidan reveals that the plots of Ellie’s books are so near to actual real life happenings, that an evil cabal of terrorists are determined to take her out.

Ellie (and her cat, Alfie) follow Aiden into a dizzy world of punch ups, shoot outs and explosions. The plot is so ridiculously complex, it doesn’t bear scrutiny but – largely due to the fabulous chemistry between Dallas Howard and Rockwell – I find myself going along with it. There’s a jaw-dropping revelation every ten minutes or so (nobody is who you think they are, and sometimes they’re not who they think they are either) and Vaughn has the good sense to keep his foot on the accelerator so we don’t waste too much time pondering the stupidity of much of what’s happening.

It’s almost worth the price of admission for a delightful, extended ‘guns and gas masks’ dance sequence, which would have provided the perfect climax, but is almost immediately undermined by another lengthy set-piece that follows hard on its heels and doesn’t quite measure up to the one we’ve just seen.

In the end, Argylle is a little too overstuffed for comfort and I can’t help feeling that thirty minutes could be excised from this to deliver a leaner, meaner version that would play more effectively. That said, I have a good time with this.

Those who like post-credit sequences will probably be as baffled by the one we’re offered as I am. Something to do with The Kingsmen franchise? I give up.

If you enjoy high concept movies, you might care to give this one a whirl. At least you won’t be bored. But be warned, you’ll need to suspend your disbelief.

3.6 stars

Philip Caveney

02/01/22

Cineworld, Edinburgh

I enjoyed Matthew Vaughn’s two Kingsman movies. A refreshing take on the spy genre, written with a nod and a cheeky grin, they provided easy, if undemanding, entertainment. After long delays caused by the pandemic, we finally get to see The King’s Man, a sort of origins tale, which explains how the Kingsman Agency came into being.

And, not to put too fine a point on it, this is a very different kettle of fish – some of which is well past its sell-by date. It isn’t that Vaughn’s screenplay (written this time without Jane Goldman) is short on ideas. There are just too many of them, fighting with each other for breathing space and frankly as risible as the proverbial box of frogs.

After the violent death of his wife in South Africa, Lord Oxford (Ralph Fiennes), a rich pacifist do-gooder swears to shield his young son from any possibility of warfare. Twelve years later, Conrad (Harris Dickinson) has grown to be a young man and, with the world hurtling headlong towards the conflict of the First World War, he decides he wants to be involved. He’s blissfully unaware that, over the intervening years, his father has created a special network of spies, working alongside two of his trusted servants, Polly (Gemma Arterton) and Shola (Djimon Hounsou). Working with other ‘domestics’ across the world, all with access to centres of government, the trio are able to gather evidence of any approaching catastrophe and take steps to avoid unnecessary lives being lost… yes, that really is the premise!

Cue a series of unlikely adventures, with Oxford and son working alongside Lord Kitchener (Charles Dance), being present at the assassination of Duke Franz Ferdinand and even taking on Grigori Rasputin (Rhys Ifans) in a martial-arts infused punch-up (actually one of the films better sequences). Meanwhile Tom Hollander struggles with a triple role as three of history’s most famous cousins – King George, Kaiser Wilhelm and Czar Nicholas – and ultimately, we learn that the entire war has been engineered by… No, I can’t tell you. Not without being embarrassed by the sheer absurdity of it. Put it this way. I seriously doubt you’ll see it coming.

While it’s true there are a couple of excellent action set-pieces in the later stretches of the film, there’s a long grim wait before we get to them, during which we are treated to a parade of caricatures that wouldn’t seem out of place in a Carry On film. There are also some conspiracy theories that frankly beggar belief. The final straw is the use of Dulce et Decorum est to pass comment on the senseless slaughter of the First World War. While Fiennes reads it beautifully, it’s hard not to imagine Wilfred Owen spinning in his grave as Vaughan makes a desperate attempt to have his Bakewell Tart and eat it.

The overall message here seems to be that humanity always depends on rich toffs to step in and bail them out of trouble when, once again, the rest of us make a mess of things. Fiennes, a superb actor, is worthy of better material than he’s given here and I’m not referring to the tailoring.

It’s a great shame, because clearly a lot of time, effort and money has been expended on this production. Released on Boxing Day in an apparent attempt to hoover up the Christmas market, I seriously doubt this will recoup what must have been a considerable investment.

Even during the festive season, there’s only so much cheese an audience can swallow.

2.8 stars

Philip Caveney