Jessica Hynes

Seize Them!

10/04/24

Cineworld, Edinburgh

Britain in the Dark Ages is a perilous place for a ruler, as Queen Dagan (Aimee Lou Wood) finds to her cost. A petulant, privileged brat who has never encountered hardship, she’s currently presiding over a realm that’s in imminent danger of collapse, due to the presence of too many revolting peasants. They are currently being stirred into insurrection by the duplicitous Humble Joan (Nicola Coughlan), supposedly down with the common people, but always with one eye on the throne, even when she’s preaching equality.

Dagan’s approach is to carry on regardless, relying on her acolyte Leofwine (Jessica Hynes) for guidance. But she’s the kind of assistant who will switch sides at the drop of a crown, which she promptly does – and Dagan has no option but to flee for her life, accompanied only by faithful servant, Shulmay (Lolly Adefope). Trekking across a remote landscape, they encounter humble shit-spader, Bobik (Nick Frost), a likeable fellow who is clearly as thick as the product he works with, but the three of them team up in a bid to help Dagan to reach some potential allies in the Northlands…

Seize Them! is written by Andy Riley, who has contributed to the Horrible Histories series, and his heritage shows in a string of silly gags in which poos, farts and slapstick figure prominently. But as the story unfolds, I can’t help wondering who this film is actually for. The presence of ‘adult’ swear words and some unexpectedly grisly injury details have earned it a 15 certificate, but no self-respecting fifteen-year-old is going to be content with the childish fare on offer here and I have to confess I’m with them.

While there’s a whole battalion of comic talent doing their best with the poor material they’ve been given, they have precious little to work with. After the disappointment of Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire, it’s once again a shame to see James Acaster fobbed off with generic lines that offer him no room to show what he can actually do – and it’s almost painful to witness Jessica Hynes delivering lines that she could doubtless improve on in her sleep.

Director Curtis Vowell is hampered by a shoestring budget and the result is lacklustre to say the very least. The only scene that does manage to make me laugh – Bobik amiably listing the different kinds of shit he’s worked with – is hardly comedy gold.

This may manage to scare up an audience when it goes to streaming but, as a cinematic experience, it leaves much to be desired.

2.8 stars

Philip Caveney

The Square

18/03/18

In The Square, writer-director Ruben Östlund posits an age-old question: what is art? The response he offers, however, is original and refreshing, and we leave the cinema with a lot to think about.

Claes Bang is Christian, chief curator of a prestigious Swedish gallery. He talks of pushing boundaries, seeking truths about humanity, attracting audiences beyond the usual ‘culture-vulture’ crowd. He’s a sympathetic character with a gentle demeanour and an affable charm – and he appears to have a genuine curiosity about what art can achieve.

When he’s mugged, though – in broad daylight, on a busy street, amidst a sea of commuters  – the lines between art and life are blurred. He’s scammed by a trio of actors – a fake cry for help (a sound that echoes throughout the movie), a fake attacker, a fake would-be-hero who enlists Christian’s support. Excited rather than irked by the robbery – he’s rich; he can afford to lose what they take – Christian decides to play them at their own game, embellishing his account of what’s occurred, and engaging in an equally audacious and staged riposte. We never know if any of the consequences are real – or if they’re just a continuation of the prank.

Is this art? If not, why not? What makes it different from Oleg (Terry Notary)’s ape performance at a charity dinner, where he terrorises the guests, first humiliating Julian (Dominic West) and then brutally attacking Prinsessan Madeleine (Madeleine Barwén Trollvik)? And how much of this is real, anyway? Are the victims actors too? And what about their rescuers? We’re left to ponder these ideas.

Despite its esoteric leanings, Östlund’s film is admirably accessible. There are numerous story strands, but they’re all as well lit as the exhibits in the gallery, with space for the audience to stand back and think. It’s funny too – and cynical. Even when a gag seems obvious, such as the unpopular ‘mirrors and piles of gravel’ exhibition being hoovered up by an over-enthusiastic cleaner, we’re pushed to think beyond our first response, as Christian whispers to his assistant, “We’ve got photographs, we’ve got the gravel; we’ll rebuild it ourselves; no one will know.” And so we’re forced to ask: if they succeed in replicating it, will it still be the same piece of art?

The over-arching story is one of personal development: Christian is not without his flaws, and he learns much as he confronts his privilege and prejudice. Elisabeth Moss is fabulous (of course) as Anne, with whom he has a one-night stand, and Daniel Hallberg and Martin Sööder provide some welcome light relief as trendy PR gurus, charged with sending new commission ‘The Square’ viral (they’re not dissimilar to Siobhan, Jessica Hynes’ W1A character; PR is obviously a target ripe for satire). Their ‘art’, of course, is considered beyond the pale, even though it garners the attention the ‘real’ artists crave.

This is a fascinating movie, eminently watchable and thought-provoking too. A tad too long, perhaps – a twenty-minute trim would have improved things for me – but all-in-all, definitely one to watch.

4.4 stars

Susan Singfield

Swallows and Amazons

swallows

08/09/16

Although I was (indeed, still am) a voracious reader, I never read Swallows and Amazons as a child. I remember a copy of it on a school bookshelf, but it clearly wasn’t alluring enough to make me reach for it. I did see the rather marvellous Bristol Old Vic/Children’s Touring Partnership stage adaptation a few years ago, so I’m familiar with the story, and keen to see how it’s played here.

It’s a Thursday afternoon, so the kids are all back in school; today’s sparse audience is well and truly grown up. Which seems a little unfortunate as it gets going, because this is definitely a children’s film, with little of the crossover appeal of the stage production. Nostalgia, I suppose, is what draws these adults in and, even though this is clearly directed at younger viewers, it’s really a delight to watch.

Okay, so it’s a world bathed in a golden glow. Father might be away at war, and Uncle Jim(Rafe Spall) might be at risk from the Russian agents sent to capture him, but we’re soaking up the sunshine with the children, building dens and playing pirates. Life’s not too bad – even when there’s a war- provided you’re rich enough to go away for the whole summer, and your parents are liberal enough to let you camp out alone for days.

But it’s easy to mock the privileged lives depicted in so much children’s fiction from bygone days. And actually, in this film at least, there’s plenty that’s universal(ish): the difficulties of growing up and negotiating the awkward stage between child and adulthood; the sheer injustice of being disbelieved; the burning desire to be successful, and the pride that comes from knowing that you’re fighting for something that’s ‘right.’

The Swallows are the Walkers: John (Dane Hughes),Susan (Orla Hill), the controversially renamed Tatty (Teddie-Rose Malleson-Allen), and Roger (Bobby McCulloch). With their mother (Kelly Macdonald), they have come to spend the summer with Mr and Mrs Jackson (Harry Enfield and Jessica Hynes). The Amazons are local kids, Nancy and Peggy Blackett, and they’re outraged at the Walkers’ claim to ‘their’ island. The Swallows and Amazons declare war, but their friendly fight is in stark contrast to the battles being fought by Uncle Jim, as he tries to expose the dastardly Russian plans he has purloined. The children’s bravery, however, is real and their games teach them teamwork and resilience; in the end, of course, it’s only they who can save the day.

The cinematography is lush, all rolling hills and gorgeous landscapes, the verdant copses idyllic and sublime. And the baddies are scary enough to keep children enthralled. A worthwhile family film, I think… what a shame there are no children here too see it.

4 stars

Susan Singfield